Having a Conversation with Your Family About Their Estate Plan

According to a 2019 survey carried out by Caring.com, 57% of adults in the United States do not have any estate planning documents such as a will or trust. Many of the respondents know that these legal documents are important. However, many do not have one due to procrastination. Others mistakenly believed that it was not necessary because they do not have many assets.

1. Be sensitive to your family members' feelings

Try to understand the thoughts behind their plan by putting yourself in their shoes. Keep in mind that not many people are eager to dwell on the subject of their own mortality. One way to begin the conversation is to talk first about the planning for illness and to provide instructions if they become too sick to communicate with doctors or manage their own finances.

That conversation can naturally progress to having an estate plan that will make sure their life savings will be transferred in the way that they wish, provide for the care of any children or pets, and minimize any taxes, court costs, and legal fees. Make sure they know that you are not trying to control their decisions, but want to ensure that their wishes regarding their medical care and their property are known — and that all those instructions are in writing to guarantee they are honored.

2. Involve other family members in the conversation

If you are planning to speak to your parents about an estate plan, try to include any siblings in the discussion to avoid giving the impression that you are trying to influence or control your parents’ choices. Emphasize to your parents that you and your siblings are not asking about what you will inherit, but ensure their wishes are known and honored if they become ill or pass away.

3. Consult an Estate Planning Attorney

After having this important conversation with your family members, they may realize it is time to contact an estate planning attorney who can help create an estate plan tailored to meet their needs and carry out their wishes. They might need to update a plan that no longer fits their goals and wishes. An attorney can help them ensure there is a plan in place that will prevent unnecessary stress, legal expenses, taxes, arguments between family members, and delays in passing their property to loved ones when they pass away. An estate plan will also provide them with the peace of mind that comes with knowing there is a plan in place for their care if they become ill.

Key Topics

If your family already has an estate plan in place, it is important to know so you can share with family, medical professionals, or any professional that is responsible for your loved ones assets. Here are some key topics to ask regarding their estate planning documents.

• Ask if your family members have a last will and testament and/or a trust. Explain that without these important legal documents, the state will determine who will receive their property — and continuing to not have this document will not distribute that property in the way they would have chosen. In addition, someone that is appointed by the court, instead of a trusted person that your loved one chose, might be in charge of caring for your minor children or pets. Writing out their wishes in a legally pending will or trust prevents confusion and anxiety when they pass away

• Ask about your family members’ powers of attorney and encourage them to decide who would be the best individuals for the job. A financial power of attorney allows them to designate an individual to manage their finances and property if they are unable to manage them.

• Make sure your family members have proper medical powers of attorney and advance directives in place. These documents contain their wishes about how they would like medical care to be handled if they are not able to make decisions for themselves. A medical power of attorney will have them to designate a trusted person to make medical decisions for them if they are unable to speak for themselves.

• Determine whether they have insurance and locate the insurance policies. If your family member becomes incapable or dies, it is important to have information about their insurance so claims can be filed for benefits in the case of health, disability, long-term care, life insurance, and that other types of policies- such as homeowner’s or auto insurance, to be modified or terminated.

• Have them compile a list of all of their accounts, property, and other important personal information, including bank and investment accounts, titles to vehicles, deeds to homes, credit card accounts or loans, digital accounts (such as Facebook, Twitter, Netflix) and passwords, Social Security cards, passports and birth certificates, which will be needed to wind down their affairs once they are gone. This information should be kept in a safe place, such as a safe, and shared only with trusted family members or loved ones.

• A list of legal, financial, and medical professionals is important. Be sure they include medical doctors and care providers, financial advisors, insurance agents, CPAs or tax professionals, business partners, care providers, and more that have worked with your family members. The list should include the professionals’ contact information so they can be easily reached in the event their help is needed.

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