5 Common Mistakes When Preparing Your Parent or Loved One for A Nursing Home

When a parent or loved one is struggling to live on their own, it can be a stressful time. Attempting to manage all of the many details can become quite overwhelming. In these situations, know that you are not alone and there are people to support you. Attorney Todd Sivia breaks down each mistake and offers an example for each situation.

1. Doing everything yourself

Whether you are a singular caretaker, have the help of your siblings, or receive help from other family members, seek resources. You are not expected to know everything about preparation. Determine the desired needs of individual seeking care with family members or close friends.



It is helpful to seek wise counsel to gain multiple perspectives on senior living options. Some options are better for some situations than others, so getting other opinions is helpful.



There are professionals to help, like:

• Care managers
• Senior living advisors
• Senior advocates



Senior advocates are professionals who are extremely knowledgeable about areas relating to elder care. They help answer questions about living in assisted living communities in the area, ensuring that you find the right home for your loved one. Each of these types of professionals are available to help advise you with resources and guide you.



An example of this is Betty. She began minimizing her assets and giving them to family as she went into assisted living. She transferred her house over to her son and her daughter-in-law. Unfortunately, the wife and son were having martial problems. When getting a divorce, the court of law gave the house to his soon-to-be ex-wife. Betty received an eviction notice from her own house. Consulting wise counsel is good because this could have been avoided instead of it just being taken care of all by herself.

2. Not exploring all housing options

If you are preparing your parent, do not just assume that your parent(s) have to move in with you. Depending on the state of your parents, yourself, and many other factors, this may not be the best option for you. Assisted living or senior-living communities give those that need care independence. Not every parent or loved one needs to go to a nursing home, it is unique to the situation you are in.



When looking for different housing options:

• Luxury living does not always equate to better care. Just because the community has curb appeal and has different amenities available does not mean that is the right choice.

• Driving by does not determine the quality of care.



• Trust your intuition. When going into a community, those that are touring you want your loved one to stay here. It can be somewhat of a sales pitch. However, you may feel that the environment is wrong for your loved on, keep that in mind.



Seeing a happy, caring staff and cheerful residents is a good sign that it is a good community. Talk to residents and staff privately to see how satisfied they are.



Ralph is an example of finding just the right housing option. Ralph was needing Medicaid toward the end of his life. The transition never happened because he was unable to move out. Having a good place to live is helpful because the resident may be there for a long, extended period of time. Be sure that you are positive of the decision you made.

3. Failing to Consider Long Term

This is hard to do sometimes when emotions are running high after an incident like illness or injury. Sometimes this causes us to make rash decisions. It is recommended to visit at least three communities to see which is the best for your loved one.

• Consider all the possibilities if there is a chance they move in with you
• Be realistic about the parent or senior one’s needs or anticipated needs



This can cause extra stress and frustration when it comes to long-term care. For example, there was an older gentleman that had a son that agreed to take care of him at the house. However, after a certain amount of time, the son was unable to take care of his father because there were no expectations set in place. It is important to set up realistic expectations to know exactly how you will be able to take care of your loved one. 

4. Not being fully prepared

Not many people like to plan, but it is the best thing you can do for yourself! Preparation can make the following situations easier to handle:

• Insurance coverage
• Bank and investment accounts
• Estate documents
• Funeral & burial
• Medical & insurance information
• Names & phone numbers of professional’s advisors
• Benefits (Veterans/Medicaid)
• Real estate documents



It is also helpful to keep a list of medications of your parent or loved one and be aware of long-term financial plans for your loved one. If you have some concerns, consider reviewing it with an elder planning attorney.

5. Ignoring self-care

Lastly, do not neglect your own health—mental, physical, or emotional. Find a support group that will help you get through difficult moments. If a member of your family decides to be the primary caregiver, it is sometimes easy to forget that primary caregiver needs time for personal activities and their own immediate family. If you are the only one in your family cannot help, it is okay to hire a professional to help you. There is nothing to be ashamed of for asking that. You are only human.

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